Tuesday, December 8, 2009

Pandas Are Robots

Pandas, contrary to popular belief, are not living biological creatures. They are robotic inventions, and I can prove this to the fullest extent. This may seem radical, but any argument trying to prove their existence I have simply counteracted through pure fact and logic.

First, let us examine the sheer anatomy of a Panda. It is a large, completely black and white animal that lives in a completely green environment. In the wild, they live on their own. They are slow, yet "meaty and fatty". However, they have NO predators. This makes no sense, not to mention that this defies any knowledge we understand about the food chain. Pandas are the perfect prey. They are large, slow animals that survive alone. The only reason for their lack of predators is their anatomical makeup. They must not be edible; they must be something man-made and robotic. Animals native to the panda's territory have realized their animatronics nature, and therefore they are unable to hunt/eat them, and leave them alone.

Secondly, there has never been a recorded "panda" autopsy. For whatever reason the Chinese government refuses to perform a panda autopsy. I find this oddly suspicious. Without a thorough autopsy, I find that there is no way to prove whether pandas are living biological creatures or not.

Pandas have typically been photographed or filmed in three separate stages: Infant newborn, panda cub, and adult panda. There are no pictures or videos recording pandas in between these forms. The only logical reason for this is that there is nothing in between. The creators of pandas made three versions of them, to make them appear as if they have passed through time and grown. However, this is a pure lie. Pandas are not living organisms and therefore do not grow.

Some people, through some displaced sense of logic believe that pandas exist because they have seen them at the zoo. Some people say they have held pandas, which somehow makes them living creatures. Well, I have seen Mickey Mouse at Disneyland and he does not exist in the real world. No one can tell whether what they have seen at the zoo are real living creatures, or disguised robots put there for display. And if anyone has held a panda, it is more likely that they have held a fur-coated, genius piece of machinery that has fooled people for decades.

Other skeptics have also argued that pandas have been a part of the Chinese culture since ancient times. How could pandas be robots if they have existed since before the age of technology? Well, pandas have been a part of this culture as long as the mythical dragons. Clearly, once the technology advanced, people used the Chinese design for pandas to use as a blueprint for their inventions.

Others ask me: Why? Why would people create pandas? What's the point? My answer: The governments of China and America decided to create pandas, and to make them "endangered". They created a problem, so that they had a chance to solve it. If they created an endangered species, then they could triumph as heroes after saving such species. All they had to do was create more pandas to save them.

In conclusion, I wish for any believers in pandas to try to prove me wrong. Try to prove something's biological existence and in the end, you will realize that you can never prove something is a living organism. Though pandas are the most suspicious of them all, any “living organism” has an argument against it being alive. All scientific data can be proved to be lies, created to protect the secret of the robots.